


The Three-Legged Bandit

by phoenix_173



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bucky is brought home and its totally not as painful as one might think, F/M, M/M, Magical Shenanigans, Memory Loss, darcy and steve are so cute you will need to brush your teeth after it, loki is a little shit, slice of life style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-02 06:45:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5238410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenix_173/pseuds/phoenix_173
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Darcy finds a little kitten outside of the tower, she can't help but bring him home.  He's a gorgeous little Maine coon cat with beautiful gray-blue eyes, big soft fluffy ears and exactly three limbs.  She names him Jimmy in honor of the friend that Steve is looking for so desperately.  The kitty is a protective little thing, definitely adores Darcy, and has a bit of a thievery problem.</p><p>aka...The one where Loki turns Bucky into a kitty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bringing in a Stray from the Cold

**Author's Note:**

> So I had a thought one night. What if Loki turned Bucky into a kitty? Then I asked Katie how she felt about turning Bucky into a kitty. This is the result. ENJOY! 
> 
> -Nix
> 
> And I had a thought one night that I was about to smash my head against the wall writing sadness, so Nix said BUCKY KITTY and I said yeeeesssssssssss. I hope you like it!!! <3 Katie.

**The Three-Legged Bandit**

 

**Chapter One: Bringing in a Stray from the Cold**

* * *

 

Darcy was very, very, very, _very_ worried.

 

Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson had been away from the tower for eight of the last ten months, in their desperate attempt to recover the Winter Soldier.

 

Darcy could learn to deal with the distance. Steve was a surprisingly great text-er and they had managed to maintain their flirty relationship quite well, it hadn't progressed to anything real or solid, but Darcy knew that the search for Bucky was the only thing holding Steve back at that point.

 

But that didn't even bother her. She was young, she could wait. She _would_ wait until Steve was ready because he was _totally_ worth it.

 

What really worried her was that the last weekend Steve had come back to visit the tower for a quick refuel, he had been hurt. Really, truly hurt. He was running himself ragged in his attempt to get Bucky back and Darcy was sure he was one bad fight away from just dropping dead.

 

She did whatever she could at that point. She spent eight hours a day running the social media accounts for all of the avengers, as well as a good portion of the PR work. Every other hour of her day was devoted to helping Steve where she could. She had always worked with Jarvis in setting up the parameters on the search of traffic cameras, but now she devoted all of her free time to it, sitting in the Avenger's war room with two laptops and three tablets as she and Jarvis scoured all the digital files and camera feeds for any sign of the Winter Soldier.

 

Thor noticed.

 

“Little hearth keeper, you are not well.”

 

“Oh, hey Thor! You're back!” Darcy gave him a weak smile.

 

“I have been back for many days, little one,” Thor furrowed his brow in concern. “You are unwell, Lady Darcy. Please, allow me to take you for sustenance.”

 

“I just have to look through this last file,” Darcy waved him off. “I'll grab something soon.”

 

“No.”

 

Darcy looked up at the booming syllable from her friend's mouth. Her mouth gaped at him and she tilted her head to the right in confusion. She had never heard such a forceful sound from Thor's mouth. Certainly not directed at her.

 

“You are hurting yourself in an attempt to find Steven's shield brother,” Thor accused. “I will not allow this to stand. You are making yourself unwell.”

 

“I'm not!” Darcy disputed weakly. Thor gave her an unimpressed look. “I'm just...focused. I need to do _something_ Thor, or Steve is going to wind up...he's going to wind up hurt or worse, and I---I have to help him.”

 

“I understand your desire to help your beloved. You are attacking this problem just as my Jane attacks her science. Luckily my lady has you to take care of her. And I will happily step forward and be the one to care for you as your Steven cannot,” Thor smiled softly, ignoring Darcy's embarrassed squeaks at his choice of words. “Your work will stand until you have accompanied me to the Buffet of China.”

 

“Aww, man, you always get us kicked out of the Chinese buffet,” Darcy sighed. She powered down her laptop anyway and gathered up her work. She gave him a tentative smile and asked, “I don't suppose you could ask Heimdall for help in finding Bucky, could you?”

 

“I already have,” Thor promised. “However, the Soldier’s mind is unstable. He does not remember who he is, so Heimdall is unable to locate him.”

 

“Damn,” Darcy sighed.

 

“I have also asked my father for assistance,” Thor revealed.

 

“REALLY?” Darcy turned to Thor with astonished excitement. She shook her head back and forth in disbelief and wondered, “And did he call Bucky a goat?”

 

“He did not,” Thor rolled his eyes at her. “He said he would do what he could.”

 

“That’s---that's AWESOME,” Darcy grinned. “Thank you Thor, I'm so grateful for any help you can give Steve. Truly.”

 

“You are my sister, little one. And Steven is my shield brother,” Thor smiled at her. “I will do anything to procure happiness for you both.”

 

* * *

 

_Thor was an insufferable idiot._

 

Loki sneered at his brother and his chosen little sister from a safe distance and cast a wide, all seeing eye to the rest of the puny Midgard.

 

Thor actually thought that looking for one inconsequential, damaged Midgardian was a worthy request of the All Father.

 

_Idiot._

 

And Thor and his ridiculous friends shouldn't have cast their net for the damaged soldier so wide.

 

Loki found him within moments, watching from fifty yards away as Thor and that buxom idiot girl traipsed away from Stark's obnoxious tower. The damaged soldier was watching the girl intently. The man's mind was still warped. Still unknowing of who he was. And yet he watched his chosen brother's whore as if he were protecting her.

 

Loki approached under the cover of his magic and stared at the sliver of metal showing between the soldier's glove and jacket sleeve.

 

He followed the damaged soldier in turn as the soldier followed the girl and Thor. They both watched as the idiot Thor stuffed his face and the girl smiled and talked and entertained.

 

Not for the first time, Loki took some appreciation in his brother's choice of company, but even he knew his limits. Thor would never let him live if he chose to hurt the little curvaceous creature that was no stranger to mischief herself.

 

He watched as the girl played with the large statue of a giant, waving cat as they settled their tab and a moment of inspiration struck. He looked at the soldier and allowed him to see his face before the transformative magic took hold.

 

Loki retrieved the fascinating metal arm before disappearing once more, going a safe distance to watch his mischief unfold.

 

* * *

 

“Oh My Thor! LOOK AT YOU!” Darcy squealed as she dropped to her knees fifty yards away from the restaurant.

 

“What?” Thor chuckled, always taking delight from when Darcy used his name in such a silly way.

 

“LOOK IT!” Darcy squeaked, holding up a small brown and black striped kitten with large blue-gray eyes. He looked to be a sturdy, strong little creature, even if he was missing his front left leg. “Isn't it just the sweetest thing you've ever seen? Hey there cutie, are you a boy or a girl?”

 

“It is a boy, he is a handsome creature,” Thor nodded with a smile. “His leg...”

 

“Oh don't you listen to him, Jimmy, there is nothing wrong with your legs,” Darcy cooed as she cuddled the kitten close. “You're perfect with just the three of them.”

 

“Aye,” Thor agreed. “A fine warrior beast.”

 

“Here, hold him, I'm texting Pepper,” Darcy placed the kitten in one of Thor's outstretched hands and giggled and cooed at how tiny he appeared against the giant god. She snapped a picture and sent it to her boss and close friend. “If anyone can convince Tony to bend the rules and let me bring home a stray, it’s Pepper.”

 

Her phone vibrated and she shrieked in delight, causing the kitten to startle.

 

“Okay, let’s go get your shots and a flea dip and then to the pet store to get you as many toys and treats that my Stark card will let me buy!”

 

“What have you named the little beast?” Thor smiled, happy to see his lightning sister's spirit and energy rising so dramatically.

 

“Jimmy. It's a nickname for James,” Darcy smiled. “You know, cause he's missing his arm.”

 

“A fitting tribute for a noble warrior,” Thor nodded. He brought the cat up to look in the eye and furrowed his brow at the question the cat presented to him in All Speak.

 

_Who am I?_

 

“You are Jimmy, you are a noble warrior,” Thor answered helpfully. He handed the kitten back to an eager Darcy and said with all the seriousness in the world. “You shall protect my sister Darcy when I or her Steven cannot.”

 

_Mission parameters accepted._

 

* * *

 

Jimmy liked Darcy quite a bit already.

 

He had been watching her for weeks.

 

He had followed the man from the bridge and the man with the wings to New York City, and he had seen the beautiful girl with them both. She was important to them. She was obviously very important to the man from the bridge. The man who had told him he was his friend, that he was with him till the end of the line...he looked at the girl as if she were the only person in the world.

 

The exhibit at the Smithsonian had said that he was the most trusted friend of the man from the bridge.

 

He didn't feel like it. He knew he had tried to kill him. More than once. He had hurt the man’s friends too. Hurt the red-head who he also knew but didn't understand how. Hurt the brave man with the wings. He was no longer a trusted friend with all of his sins stacked against him.

 

But he could watch over this important girl.

 

He could keep her safe.

 

And he _was_ keeping her safe when the man with the crazy eyes appeared.

 

And now he was small. But still powerful.

 

He didn't understand what had happened to him. What he was now.

 

But as the girl cuddled him and cooed at him and fed him treats and gave him the most gentle, loving touches he could ever remember, he found he didn't care what the man with the crazy eyes had done.

 

The girl was currently scratching under his chin and he felt a happiness and contentment he hadn't felt in a long time.

 

He didn't remember what he was, but he knew what he was now. He was Jimmy. He was a noble warrior. And he would protect Darcy.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

So yes, thoughts?  We hope that you enjoyed this and will continue to enjoy it.  There's a LOT of fun things planned for this fun and fluffy and furry adventure.  Much lobe friends.  <3Katie


	2. Weapons Acquisition: Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! I needed to post this tonight after ending Triangles. Thankfully Nix is so good to me and has no problem with my absolutely insane posting needs. 
> 
> All aboard the adorable train! <3 Katie and Nix

 

  


* * *

 

 

**Chapter Two: Weapons Acquisition, Part One**

  
  


Jimmy quickly learned that he had free reign over Stark Tower. Darcy brought him everywhere with her, but once she was in her office and working, she let him roam as far and free as he could want, utilizing Jarvis to track him down at the end of the day. He never strayed too far, as he wanted to be able to hear if she ever needed him.

 

Today, they stopped in the common room kitchen before work, and while Darcy went about making herself some breakfast, Jimmy explored the rest of the common room. Something shiny and metal shimmered in the morning sun filtering through the windows and Jimmy jumped at it, remembering the shiny metal limb that the man had taken.

 

Instead of his missing part, he found a coffee table full of shiny knives.

 

And really, he couldn't say he was upset at the find.

 

He had been worrying quite a bit lately at how he would protect Darcy if he was a three legged tiny little creature. He didn't particularly _mind_ that he was a three legged tiny little creature, but he knew there would be little he could do if she was at risk.

 

A knife would make it easier.

 

He nosed around the collection and finally decided on a slim, light-weight blade that he could lift in his tiny mouth. Pleased, he trotted to the end of the table and jumped off, landing nimbly on his three legs before taking off.

 

“What the hell?” a surprised laugh barked through the room. “Tash, look at this. Hey! Hey you, come back here you three legged little bandit!”

 

Darcy ran into the room and cocked her head to the side at the sight of her tiny little kitten with a blade in its mouth, hopping back to her happily. She shrugged and snapped a picture of it and sent a text to Steve.

 

_My baby kitty is such a little badass._

 

“Tash, seriously, he took one of your knives!” Clint laughed, picking the cat up carefully and turning it to face Natasha.

 

She carefully took the knife from his mouth and had the audacity to laugh at him when he swatted at her in retaliation. She poked the kitten in the nose and said, “A very smart man once told me that I should never let another man touch my weapons. That extends to tiny cats.”

 

“Tiny little bandit,” Clint laughed, giving the kitten a hard pat on the head before placing him down on the ground.

 

Jimmy sneezed at the pair of them. He'd find another way to protect Darcy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jimmy approached the thing on the floor with trepidation. He’d seen the large man with yellow hair carrying it around. He was always leaving it in random spots causing his Darcy to yell. It must be important.

 

He slunk up to the handle. There was some sort of tassel on the end. Maybe if he dragged it away, he could use it to protect Darcy. He gingerly took the tassel into his mouth and tugged. At first, it didn’t move, but as he tugged harder, it started to move across the floor.

 

Oh! This wasn’t so heavy. He could definitely move it to his hiding spot. So far no one had found his stash of sharp metal objects. (Thumb tacks)

 

“Oh! Jimmy!” Darcy cried out.

 

He dropped the thing and looked up at her with his large eyes and too big for his head ears. Darcy was grinning at him holding up her shiny metal box in front of her face. So he did the equivalent of a cat shrug and picked the tassel back up in his mouth and continued on his way to his hiding spot. He’d have to wait until she wasn’t looking to hide it though.

 

He could hear her giggling in the background.

 

Darcy texted the picture to Steve.

 

_When you come home, make sure you lock up your shield.  No weapon is safe from Jimmy._

 

Darcy knew it might take Steve hours to text back so she went about her business of making baked treats for Thor to take back to Asgard for Sif and the warriors three.  She even added a baggie of cookies for Odin, as a thank you for any assistance he could give in the search for Bucky.  Sure he had been rude to Jane, but if he could do anything to help Bucky, then he had earned a tiny cookie’s worth of redemption.

 

Her phone chirped with Steve’s reply and she grabbed her phone up eagerly.

 

 _I can’t wait to come home to meet Jimmy.  He’s going to grow up to be a bruiser._  

 

Darcy grinned at her phone and saw the little text bubble pop up meaning that Steve was writing out another line.  She waited patiently, but it kept disappearing and reappearing, as if he was typing something and deleting it repeatedly.

 

Another text came in from Sam.

 

_Your boy looks constipated while staring at his phone.  Red from the tips of his ears to the bottom of his neck.  What’d you do to him?_

 

Darcy rolled her eyes and texted back a picture of her holding up her middle finger to Sam.

 

_Sassy.  Oh, looks like Cap’s got his resolve face on.  He might hit send this time._

 

He did, Darcy pulled up the new message and couldn’t help the dreamy grin on her face.

 

_Can’t wait to come home and see you too, sweetheart.  I miss you._

 

Darcy squealed as Jane and Thor walked into the apartment.  Thor going immediately to the rack of cooling cookies while Jane went right to Darcy

 

“That squeal either means Jimmy did something adorable, Steve did something adorable, or Justin Timberlake released new music,” Jane guessed.  She stole a peek at Darcy’s phone and nodded.  “Steve.  I’m awesome at interpreting your squeals.”

 

“Maybe you can get another Ph.D in Darcy-ology,” Darcy wrinkled her nose at Jane. She typed out a reply and paused.  “No, that’s dumb Darcy.”

 

“Ugh, your cuteness with Steve is giving me a toothache,” Jane rolled her eyes playfully, accepting the cookie that Thor brought her and shoving it in her mouth, talking around a mouthful, completely unrepentant of any crumb sprayage shooting from her mouth.  “Seriously, all that sweetness is going to give me cavities.”

 

“How do I say...I miss you too and I want you to come home so I can ride you like a bronco?” Darcy wondered thoughtfully.  “But in a _totally_ classy way?”

 

“Easily!” Thor grinned.  “Jarvis, please relay the message through Darcy’s phone that she wishes him to return with great haste so the splendid lovemaking can occur.”

 

“Done, sir,” Jarvis complied.

 

  
 **“WHAT? NO!!!!!!!!”** Darcy screamed looking down at her phone as the message magically appeared and sent automatically.  “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?”

 

Jimmy froze at the sound of Darcy’s distress and stopped in his slow but steady pulling of the hammer across the room.  He let out an adorable meow that he had meant to be an intimidating roar and grabbed the hammer’s tassle between his teeth and dragged with all his might back to the source of Darcy’s continued horrified shouts.  

 

He stopped short at seeing Darcy’s company.  Dr. Pop Tart and Mr. Cape were no threat.  But Darcy was still certainly in some kind of pain.  Her phone buzzed and she threw the phone at Jane with a gasped,

 

“I can’t read it, I can’t!”

 

Jane took the phone and laughed, “It’s from Sam.  He wants to know what you just texted Steve because you officially broke Captain America.  Oh, there’s a picture!’

 

Jane showed a laughing Thor and a thoroughly embarrassed Darcy of the picture of Steve staring at his phone, his face a deep, beet red, jaw hanging down, with the hint of drool gathering.

 

“Excellent job, he is picturing the bronco riding as we speak,” Thor wagered.

 

Darcy snatched the phone away from Jane and re-texted the middle finger picture to Sam before composing a message to Steve,

 

“Some Asgardian Asswagon took control of my phone and texted you.  I’m sorry if that offended you, and what I wanted to say is that I miss you too and I can’t wait to introduce you to Jimmy.”

 

“Or a different puss--”

 

“FINISH THAT WORD OUT LOUD AND YOU WILL BE DENIED COOKIES FOR THE REST OF ALL TIME!” Darcy growled at Jane.  

 

“Where is young Jimmy this evening?” Thor looked around.  He spotted the cat across the room and his eyes widened at the sight of the small three-legged kitten pulling away at Mjolnir.  

 

Pulling away and _succeeding._

 

“A most noble beast!” Thor crowed, rushing towards him and lifting both the kitten in one hand and his hammer in the other.  “You are more than worthy to protect my sister and my lady.”

 

Jimmy wiggled his nose at Thor and thought _That’s why I need the hammer, buddy. Give it back._

 

“Oh, you cannot keep the hammer, tiny warrior beast,” Thor answered back.  “When I return from Asgard, I will bring you an appropriate weapon.”

 

“Wait, what?” Jane furrowed her brow at her boyfriend.  “Did you just talk to the cat?”

 

“Aye, the Allspeak is most convenient,” Thor nodded.

 

“Oh, can you ask him how he feels about neutering?” Darcy wondered.  “The vet’s office emailed me and asked if I wanted to make him an appointment for his two month checkup.”

 

“You would---you would incapacitate him in such a way?” Thor asked in horror.  He looked to Jimmy and asked, “You would not want your manhood to be harmed in any way, would you Warrior Jimmy?”

 

 _Hell no._  Jimmy meowed harshly and continuously in objection.  The kittens gray blue eyes looked to Darcy in a plea.

  
“Oh, okay, but only because you’re the only cat in the tower.  If you ever try to leave the tower, we’re making that appointment, mister!”

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

* * *

 <3<3<3<3  So much love to you awesome readers!!!

 


	3. Weapons Acquisition, Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope everybody had a fantastic, fun-filled weekend. Here's a chapter to keep you amused.
> 
> ENJOY!
> 
> -Nix and Katie

**Chapter Three: Weapons Acquisition, Part Two**

 

Thor departed for Asgard a few days later and life fell into a comfortable rhythm in the Tower. Jimmy continued to add to his little pile of potential weapons as he went exploring the perimeters twice daily during Darcy’s work day. It wasn’t much yet. He had managed to take Happy’s ring of car keys, which must be useful somehow since the man always had them in his hands. 

Jane had been the easiest to swipe something from. She had been brandishing a funny little computer do-dad in her hand a few days ago stating that _This is going to change the universe! This is EVERYTHING, Darcy!_ So the moment she had put it down, Jimmy had quickly made his move, swiping the drive in his mouth and high-tailing it back to his pile of weapons.

It still wasn’t much. Thumbtacks. The car keys. Jane’s do-dad. George from security’s ID badge, it was on some sort of ribbon. A twelve-inch length of wire from one of the lower R & D labs. A ball bearing from the garage. And 3 single unmatching socks. He would have had that hammer too, if Mr. Cape hadn’t taken it with him. Although, Mr. Cape did promise to bring him an appropriate weapon when he returned...

Darcy carried him up to Tony’s lab in the afternoon and he finally laid his eyes on something way better than anything he had tried to get before. Even better than the hammer in his opinion.

“Needs more thrust,” Tony wrinkled his nose at Rhodey.

“You think everything needs more thrust,” Rhodey rolled his eyes.

“You could use a little more thrust in your life. Maybe Thor will bring back Sif again,” Tony waggled his eyebrows at his oldest friend. 

“Hey Darcy,” Rhodey greeted her. “Who do you have there?”

“Flea bag,” Tony answered helpfully as he threw the gauntlets he and Rhodey had been working on down on the bench. “Flea bag, this is Rhodey. You guys share a name.”

“This is Jimmy,” Darcy held the kitten out to Rhodey. “And you know he doesn’t have fleas Tony! Jimmy, this is Colonel James Rhodes. Once we get Bucky back, we’ll have the James Three to go with the Warriors Three, and the Soldiers Three and the Scientists Three.”

“We like threesomes,” Tony nodded in agreement. 

Darcy made a face at Tony as she put Jimmy down on the floor to let him scamper about. He seriously loved Dum-E and would engage the simple lovable robot in what Pepper had declared sparring. Jimmy would pounce and climb and attempt to bring the robot down for ten minute intervals, before taking a short nap on the robot’s head. 

“Woah, look at him move,” Rhodey laughed. “You’d never know he was even missing a leg.”

“He’s my little badass,” Darcy grinned. “Want to see the blackmail picture I took of Tony cuddling with him two days ago?”

“LEWIS I PAID YOU THAT RANSOM!” Tony stomped over and tried to grab her phone away from her. “You can’t uneat the gigantic red gummy bear!”

“You’re no fun,” Darcy accused as Tony rushed away with her phone. Her eyes widened as she realized what he was doing and she shrieked, “Give that back! Don’t you dare read those!”

_“You’re a swell dame, sweetheart. Have real good dreams tonight,”_ Tony read aloud. He cackled and wheezed. “Oh, Cap, your game is so poor...SWELL DAME.”

“Tony, I swear to Thor, I will weld your balls to your asshole!” Darcy howled as she chased him.

Jimmy watched in interest, but he inherently knew that Howard’s kid wasn’t a threat to Darcy. Instead, he took Darcy and Tony’s preoccupation as an opportunity, jumping up on the lab bench and grabbing one of the gauntlets that Tony and Rhodey had been testing. He managed to get his head in it and jumped back to the ground with it, placing it on top of one of the roomba bots. 

Rhodey watched in wonder as the cat pressed a few buttons on the small circular bot with his right paw and the roomba, gauntlet and cat zipped out of the room back to the elevator. 

“Well I’ll be damned,” Rhodey grinned at the clever little kitten. He should have probably stopped him from stealing the weapon, but he didn’t have the heart to ruin Jimmy’s heist. Besides, Tony would have only added more thrust. At least this way, it wouldn’t be tampered with to the point of explosion.

**

The next item to make it’s way into Jimmy’s stash took a little more planning than petty thievery. He staked out his prey for close to a week learning his schedule and finding the optimum time to make his play. 

He’d have to wait until most everyone was asleep. Even Darcy, but that was for his best chance of success.

He’d even managed to figure out how to leave her quarters unnoticed by anyone save for the talking ceiling. But after several excursions where he returned within a short time, the talking ceiling knew he’d return, so he kept quiet.

He knew the red-head that Darcy called ‘Nat-Nat’ would be the perfect distraction for him. She was in the location of his prey nearly every night this week. Tonight would go off without a hitch.

He left Darcy’s apartment once he was sure she was asleep. It may have involved climbing to the top of the refrigerator and wiggling through an air duct. Luckily he was pocket sized for convenience. He then made his way to Pigeon-Face’s rooms.

Once he’d entered the rooms, he made a bee-line for the bedroom. That seemed to be the place that Pigeon-Face kept his target. But only at night. During the day he kept them in his ears at all times and made it impossible for Jimmy to steal.

The Fates seemed to be smiling on Jimmy. Pigeon-Face and Nat-Nat were in the bathroom. He could hear the shower running. He popped his head around the corner of the door to make sure they would remain occupied. But what he saw had him scurrying back out as fast as his three legs could carry him.

He could have sworn that Nat-Nat had better tastes than that. Oh well, now Pigeon-Face _definitely_ deserved to have his treasure stolen.

Jimmy padded quietly through the room over to the nightstand and jumped onto the bed. He wasn’t sure what these small roundish things did, but Pigeon-Face was hoarding them, they must be some sort of weapon.

He picked them up in his mouth and made his way back to Darcy’s apartment. He deposited his new prize in his secret stash and got back on Darcy’s bed where his pillow was. 

Mission accomplished.

**

Pepper Potts had been allergic to cats all of her life. It was a tragedy really. She loved cats and had always wanted one. When she was younger, she couldn’t help but cause herself sneezing fits whenever she tried to pet and cuddle a friend or neighbor’s cat.

And then Extremis happened.

Pepper was no longer allergic to cats. But at that point in her life, Tony was like her human cat, so she never even thought of adopting one.

So she was especially delighted when Darcy sent her that text of a little three-legged kitten a few weeks ago. He was adorable with his blue-grey eyes and fluffy fur, his ears and paws too big for his body. And Jimmy was always up for a cuddle. 

Tony swore up and down that the flea bag was looking at him with a smirk whenever Pepper cuddled the kitten to her. Like the three-legged lothario was mocking him over making time with his lady. 

“He’s just jealous because I love you more,” Pepper would coo into Jimmy’s ear. She smiled at Darcy and asked, “Are you all packed up for your trip?”

“Yeah, but I still have to make sure Janie’s all packed up,” Darcy nodded. “I mean, it’s just two days for the conference, but she’s either packed her ENTIRE wardrobe, or she’s just thrown a pair of panties in her purse. It’s a toss up, really. Are you sure you guys are okay with watching him? I mean, I can try to ask Clint again, but Natasha won’t let Jimmy anywhere near her knives anymore ever since he tried taking one.”

“I am absolutely delighted to kitten-sit for you,” Pepper assured her. She rubbed her nose against Jimmy’s head and said, “He’s really come a long way since you brought him home. Seems to be getting bigger and healthier.”

“Yeah, the vet said he was bigger than the average eight week old kitten. And she thinks he might be a Maine Coon based on his size and markings,” Darcy nodded. “It’s all those treats that Tony keeps giving him.”

“I give that flea bag nothing,” Tony scoffed, aiming a playful mock glare at the kitten who was cuddling against Pepper’s face while _smirking_ at him. 

“You made a bot that dispenses treats!” Darcy accused. She held out her hands for Jimmy and cuddled him close, kissing his head repeatedly. “I’m gonna miss you, Jimmy. But you be good for Auntie Pepper and I’ll bring you back something fun from the hotel.”

Jimmy meowed for Darcy as she left. He was distressed. How was he supposed to protect her if she was going away? Sure, they were bringing Maria Hill along and she seemed like a plenty capable dame, but he’d feel much better if he could be there too.

“So you didn’t let it slip?” Pepper wondered, patting Jimmy’s head consolingly as he meowed and yowled in pitiful kitten fashion for Darcy.

“Nope,” Tony grinned. 

“She’s going to be so surprised to see that her security detail at the hotel is Steve,” Pepper giggled. She looked down at Jimmy and said, “You’re going to love Steve, Mr. Jimmy. He is just over the moon for your Darcy.”

“You should totally snuggle into her boobs when he brings her home in two days,” Tony advised the cat. “Make Capsicle jealous instead of me.”

Jimmy stopped yowling and looked at Pepper and Tony curiously. Darcy was going to be with the man from the bridge? He would be perfectly acceptable protection for Darcy. He meowed in acceptance with a little kitten nod before taking off to explore the penthouse floor. With Darcy’s safety secured, he could find his next target.

He bounded up the steps and sprinted to the room Pepper and Howard’s kid shared. Three capable leaps had him standing in front of Pepper’s open shoe closet, which was enormous and filled to the brim with the nicest shoes Jimmy had ever seen. And he knew that they weren’t only pretty, but they were powerful. He had heard Pepper tell Darcy that _a proper pair of shoes can make you the most powerful person in a room._

He took his time exploring his options and came upon a shiny black shoe with a very high heel and a red painted bottom. It looked dangerous and beautiful. Yes. This would be perfect. He carefully put his mouth at the heel and took it to the rendezvous point. When Pepper and Tony were indisposed later, he would take it to his ever-growing pile.

______________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do we think of Jimmy's ever growing pile of weapons? Feedback gives us life! <3


	4. Comrades in Arms

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Katie decided to be all productive, so you guys get another chapter. Thanks for all the love! You all are an inspiration. We thrive on feedback. 
> 
> <3
> 
> -Nix

**Chapter Four: Comrades in Arms**

 

* * *

 

 

Pepper had taken Jimmy to the _groomers_.

 

He liked Pepper, he really did.

 

But he was sitting in the common room and Clint and Tony were cackling at him and the silly bow-tie the groomer had put around his neck. The only reason he hadn’t ripped it off yet was because Pepper hadsaid she loved it, and she had said Darcy would love it. And she had also said he would make a fine impression on Steve and Sam.

 

She’d called him handsome and if Clint and Tony were laughing at the slick black bow-tie, then they were just jealous schmoes. Pepper had give him plenty of cuddles and kisses and Natasha had even gave him a begrudging pat on the head and ear skritch.

 

“LOOK AT YOU, YOU CUTE LITTLE MAN YOU!”

 

Jimmy meowed happily and ran to the door where Darcy promptly scooped him up and hugged him tightly. He was so happy to see her back and safe and in one piece. He’d have to thank the man on the bridge properly when he got the chance…

 

Oh. The man from the bridge brought her here.

 

“Did she coo over you that much, Cap?” Clint wondered. He and Tony both laughed at Steve’s pink blush that settled over his cheeks.

 

“Jimmy, I’d like you to meet a very special friend of mine,” Darcy held up the kitten, ignoring Tony and Clint’s howling over the _special friend_. “This is Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, aka the other cute man in my life besides you.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Jimmy,” Steve ducked down and smiled at the cat who was looking up at him curiously.

 

Jimmy had a hard time remembering what happened next. Something was off in his brain though, that was for sure. Cause he didn’t MEAN to pounce on the man from the bridge---Steve, but he did anyway.

 

_Mission. Mission. Mission._

 

Just kept replaying in his head.

 

He leapt from Darcy’s arms and his right paw smacked Steve right in the jaw.

 

“Jimmy!” Darcy scolded as Clint and Tony both began to roll around the floor in hysterics. Even Natasha was chuckling at that point. “Play nice, with Steve or I will take away your treat-bot!”

 

Jimmy wanted to do what Darcy wanted. He wanted to be nice to Steve. But he also felt like he should be hitting him. He meowed and hissed furiously as Steve picked him up and looked him in the eye.

 

“Look pal, I know Darcy’s your person, but I’m going to be around an awful lot,” Steve said evenly. “You can’t try to attack me every time you see me.”

 

Darcy grinned at that and gave Natasha two huge thumbs up.

 

“So let’s just try to get along, alright James?” Steve asked hopefully.

 

Jimmy meowed petulantly. Steve began to rub behind his ears and despite his best efforts, Jimmy felt the purr beginning in the back of his throat.

 

“Yeah, Mr. Fancy Bow-Tie. You and I are going to be the best of buddies,” Steve smiled between the cat and a pleased Darcy. “Let’s hope you don’t try to hit Sam when he comes in.”

 

* * *

 

 

Sam’s introduction to Jimmy was a little less filled with potential violence. Sam took one look at Jimmy, scooped him up and cuddled the daylights out of him. It seemed Sam knew just where the sweet spot was behind Jimmy’s ears to get an immediate and enthusiastic response.

 

“How come he's so nice to you?” Steve wondered.

 

“Cause I'm so handsome, right, Jimmy?” Sam looked down at the cat with a sly grin.

 

“Are you saying my cat is gay?” Darcy wondered. She pondered it and shook her head, “I'm pretty sure he's bisexual. Cause he really digs Pepper's legs and my boobs.”

 

“Who wouldn't like your boobs?” Sam laughed. “I'll happily speak for the entire bisexual community and say that your boobs are out of sight.”

 

Steve squirmed in his seat, eager to get Sam's attention away from Darcy's boobs. He pulled the cat from Sam's hands, bringing him up to eye level.

 

“Do you think I'm handsome?” he asked seriously.

 

Jimmy reached out and swatted at Steve's nose. _I've seen you naked punk, you're alright. But I like this flying chump better._

 

“I think you're handsome,” Darcy smiled at Steve in an almost lecherous manner, as she leaned over the back of the couch the boys were sitting on.

 

“Well I think you're gorgeous,” Steve smiled back at her. He leaned his head in very quickly and stole a quick kiss, looking very pleased with himself for being so forward in front of Sam and the cat.

 

Darcy wrinkled her nose. That was a sweet kiss but she definitely had more in mind. She quickly went back in for more, taking Steve's bottom lip between hers as he let out a muffled yelp of surprise.

 

_Stop that Steve. Quit it. You're not doing it right._

 

Jimmy brought out his paw and started scratching at Steve's jaw with angry little hisses. Sam laughed and took the cat back from a very preoccupied Steve and looked down at the angry feline who was still reaching out his paw to attack at Steve, even as they moved towards the door.

 

“Come on, Jimmy. Let's go get a snack and let the lovebirds keep smooching.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Jimmy wasn’t with Darcy, he was following Sam around. It became commonplace to see the kitten trotting along after Sam as fast as his 3 legs would carry him.

 

One day, Sam was just coming out of Tony’s lab after testing the latest model of his wing pack when he saw Jimmy waiting for him in the hallway.

 

“Hey good lookin’, you waiting for me?”

 

“Mrrrow.”

 

Jimmy padded over and wound himself around Sam’s legs, rubbing against him before flopping over on Sam’s foot and presenting his tummy for scratches.

 

Sam knelt down next to the ever growing kitty and put the goggles he was carrying down on the floor next to him.

 

“Who’s a handsome fellow? That’s right, you are!” Sam cooed at the kitty while petting his tummy and scratching behind his ears. He laughed as Jimmy scootched closer to the goggles on the ground and Sam picked them up and put them around Jimmy’s neck.

 

He fished for his phone to take a picture and send to Darcy when Jimmy took off like a rocket.

 

“Hey! Those are mine!” Sam laughed, snapping the picture of a retreating Jimmy, goggles flying off the back of his neck. He composed a text to Darcy with the picture attached.

 

_Barton is right. Jimmy is a little three legged bandit._

 

Darcy texted back I’ll get them back for you and give them to you at movie night tonight. Do you think Stevie will like Bridesmaids?

 

Sam rolled his eyes and texted her back. Steve likes everything you like. And don’t worry about the goggles. Jimmy looks better in them anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

Jimmy was watching. Dr. Banner very, very carefully. Darcy had always been very clear that Jimmy should never upset Dr. Banner. Tony had helpfully put up a video and showed Jimmy what would happen if Dr. Banner became angry. And then Tony had proceeded to coach Jimmy on how best to make Dr. Banner angry so that Tony would have enough ammo to tease Dr. Banner mercilessly.

 

Howard’s kid was such a shit stirrer.

 

Jimmy definitely didn’t want to make Dr. Banner turn into Dr. Green No Shirt, but he still knew that the small, quiet scientist definitely had some sort of important weapon that Jimmy could use.

 

It had to be the glasses.

 

Dr. Banner always was holding them, wiping them, pushing them on his face, taking them off again, wiping them, etc., etc., etc.

 

But he had to swipe them without making Dr. Banner angry.

 

He had a plan. He had been doing surveillance for two weeks and every day, Dr. Banner would pull out his fancy stark phone and pull up a contact, stare at it longingly, then put the phone down without actually calling anyone.

 

Today, when he pulled out his phone, Jimmy hopped up onto the lab bench and presented himself for petting.

 

“Hey there, Jimmy. Where’s your Darcy?”

 

_Making time with that big lug, Steve._

 

Jimmy waited until Bruce was preoccupied with stroking his back before his right front paw shot out at the phone and hit the dial button very quickly, not being caught at all.

 

“Steve said he was heading out again tomorrow, so hopefully he and Darcy are making the most of their time,” Bruce sighed as he scratched at Jimmy’s head. “I know if I had the lady I liked here, I’d probably take her down to the zoo. Betty always had a thing for big cats. She’d like you plenty.”

 

Jimmy meowed in response.

 

“If you find someone who’ll be willing to take you as you are, a smart person would make the most of it,” Bruce sighed. He pulled off his glasses with his free hand and placed them down on the lab bench next to the cat. “I am not a very smart person, Jimmy.”

 

“Bruce?”

 

Jimmy purred in his accomplishment as Bruce became distracted with his phone, which Jimmy had dialed for him. Bruce grabbed the phone, held it to his ear and began pacing the length of his lab. Jimmy grabbed the glasses in his mouth and made his quick and silent getaway.

 

“Yeah Betty...It’s really good to hear your voice too…”

* * *

* * *

 

* * *

 

 

awww, schmoopies.  And yes!  STEEEEBE.  AND SUPER SAMMY!  We hope you guys enjoyed!!! <3 Katie.


	5. Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after a crazy busy holiday week, Katie and I both needed a pick me up. So that means you guys get another chapter. I wanna give a shoutout to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I'm so sorry I didn't get to replying yet. I just couldn't seem to bring myself to. Assume that whatever Katie replied also came from me. You guys are awesome for all your support.
> 
> On a side note, my sister, who shall remain nameless, needs to come out of the shadows and comment on fic! Stop lurking you goon!
> 
> ENJOY
> 
> -Nix and Katie

**Chapter Five: Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow**

 

* * *

 

 

Steve left after breakfast the next day. All of the Avengers had gathered in the common room for a ridiculous amount of food that Tony had brought in from the restaurants downstairs. Jimmy sat in Sam’s lap the entire time, gleefully taking all the bits of breakfast that Sam was sneaking him.

 

Darcy looked heartbroken. Steve had been around for a full week this time, since meeting her at the Science! convention. They had actually managed to get something _started_. A few kisses, a few dates, a few movie night cuddles. And now he was heading back out for an indeterminate amount of time to destroy Hydra bases and continue his search for Bucky.

 

Jimmy could see from his place in Sam’s lap that Steve held Darcy’s hand under the table, away from prying eyes. He couldn’t understand why Sam and Steve had to leave again, and this time bring Natasha with them. Sure, he understood that bad guys were bad and needed to be dealt with, but as for searching for _Bucky_?

 

Well he was right here, wasn’t he? Or he wasn’t. It was all too complicated for him to understand, really.

 

Sam grew more and more concerned as Darcy began to droop noticeably and Steve looked as if someone had repeatedly kicked him in the junk the longer breakfast ran on. Sam sighed and picked Jimmy up and placed him on his shoulder.

 

“Be real good to your Darcy,” he ordered the small cat. “She’s going to be super sad. Make her happy, okay?”

 

Jimmy meowed and nudged at Sam’s cheekbone with his small little nose. Sam was a good person. Jimmy felt really bad now about ripping up his wing pack back in DC now that he knew what a good, kind, caring person Sam Wilson actually was. He cuddled his face against Sam’s jaw as he watched Darcy and Steve grow more and more dejected about their impending separation.

 

Natasha cleared her throat and gave Clint a raised eyebrow. He got the hint real fast.

 

“Oh, Tony, will you help me look at that thing on the quinjet before they take off?” Clint asked suddenly, not at all convincing anyone at the table that he actually needed a thing to be looked at.

 

But the rest of the breakfast party took the hint and disappeared, even Sam who gave Jimmy an extra squeeze before placing him down on the ground and leaving Darcy and Steve alone.

 

“I’m sorry I have to go,” Steve said quietly.

 

“Don’t be, it’s important,” Darcy shook her head.

 

“You’re important,” Steve smiled at her. “Darcy...I want to...I’d like to come back home more...even if it’s for a day...half a day...an hour. I want to…”

 

He hesitated and Jimmy watched from the floor at their feet. He batted a claw at the hem of Steve’s pant leg.

 

_Say it, punk. Tell her. Ask her. Do something._

 

“I want to come home to you,” Steve managed to spit out, breathless, looking earnest and anxious. Darcy was smiling at him in that big, beaming way of hers. “It’s not fair to you. I’ll be gone more than I’m here, and I won’t be able to do the things you deserve. I’m being selfish.”

 

_Don’t talk yourself out of it now, you moron!_ Jimmy’s little claw got caught in the fabric of Steve’s pants and he waved his paw erratically in order to get free.

 

“Selfish is good,” Darcy encouraged him. “I’m selfish all the time. I recommend a healthy amount of selfishness to all my friends and acquaintances. Selfish it up.”

 

_Darcy, you’re my Darcy and I adore you, but shut up._ Jimmy batted at Steve’s leg again. _Shut her up, punk. With your mouth and stuff._

 

“So, I can call you my girl?” Steve wondered with a smile. “I can come home to you?”

 

Darcy flat out grinned and her answer was simply her launching herself at him, arms around his shoulders, straddling his lap and her lips on his. Jimmy huffed out a sneeze before leaping onto Darcy’s recently vacated chair. He took their complete and total preoccupation with each other to his advantage, hopping onto the dining table that he knew was off limits and grabbing a strip of bacon for himself.

 

“Gotta slow down,” Steve sighed, pulling away.

 

“Yeah,” Darcy nodded, placing her forehead against his. “Clint said that Tony doesn’t like it when people make the sexy times happen in the common room. Something about how he can smell the pheromones for weeks after.”

 

“I should have opened my big dumb mouth the minute I saw you again,” Steve ruefully admitted.

 

“We could have been having so many sexy times,” Darcy giggled. “Sam would have had to adopt Jimmy for me this whole week.”

 

“Maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t,” Steve shook his head. “I don’t think I’d want to leave.”

 

“Well now you can hurry back,” Darcy shrugged. “It’ll give you something to look forward to.”

 

Steve’s phone buzzed with a text message. He knew it was from either Sam or Natasha and he knew it meant he would have to leave her. He shifted her so she was sitting across his lap instead of straddling him and he gave a smile to Jimmy, who was licking away happily at a piece of bacon.

 

“Alright, James,” Steve said sternly. He took the piece of bacon away from the cat and wagged a finger in his face. “I want you to be good to my girl. Keep her safe and keep her happy, okay?”

 

_Yeah yeah yeah. I’m way better than you at keeping dames happy, anyway._

 

* * *

 

 

Once Steve and the others had left, Darcy headed back to her apartment, cuddling Jimmy to her chest.

 

“You know what we need Jimmy? We need movies, popcorn, chocolate and Janie.”

 

Darcy set about making snacks and rounding up all the pillows in the apartment. That done, she grabbed all the blankets out of the closet and the duvet off her bed and piled them on the floor in front of her couch.

 

There was no sure-fire way to guarantee Jane would step away from the **SCIENCE!** , but the beginnings of a blanket fort were a good start.

 

Jimmy watched all the preparations with a curious tilt to his head. He hoped she was including kitty treats. He didn’t feel like retrieving his treat-bot from his stash of treasures. Darcy crinkled the bag of his favorite treats at him with a small smile, the sadness from Steve’s departure still there.

 

“So, do you want to watch dinosaurs? Ghosts? Or Fun Murder Mysteries?” Darcy asked the kitty as they waited for Jane. “Jane’ll want to watch Labyrinth, but I don’t feel like watching David Bowie’s junk tonight.”

 

“My vote goes to Clue,” Clint announced from the air vent that he then promptly crawled out of. He handed Darcy a bag full of Ben and Jerry’s pints and said. “Let’s be sad together. Jane misses her Blonde God. I miss Tash. You miss Cap. We’ll eat all the ice cream and then we can all sext our significant others.”

 

“Who is sexting who?” Jane wondered as she came in with a bag full of candy. “Thor doesn’t get that great of reception, and I don’t think Heimdall would pass on those kind of messages.”

 

“Darcy’s going to send pictures of her boobs to Steve,” Clint smirked. “Tash will send us pictures of the aftermath.”

 

Jimmy crawled up on Darcy’s lap and put his head on the aforementioned boobs.

 

_Don’t do it, Darcy. Punk ain’t done nothing to deserve it, yet._

 

* * *

* * *

 

* * *

 

Kitty Bucky makes everything better.  EVERYTHING.  And also, DARCY and STEVE.  <3<3<3  Hope you guys didn't mind the schmoop.  Love, Katie and Nix. 

* * *

 


	6. Visiting Hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, truth here. This chapter is mostly Katie. She got on a huge roll one day and busted out over 7 pages. And it might just be one of my favorite chapters of this entire project. She is literally the best. 
> 
> And since we are both sluts for rapid posting, you are getting another chapter. Don't get too excited though, I'm not sure when the next post will be since we are trying to keep a few chapters ahead of you.
> 
> We are seriously having the most fun writing this story. And coming up with new ideas, and bouncing things off each other and finding out what scary brain-twins we are. No, really, it's crazy. I lobe her with all my heart. If I could, I'd magic her up a Jimmy of her own. In the mean time, she'll just have to make do with her friend with boy parts. Okay, onwards!
> 
> ENJOY!
> 
> -Nix
> 
> I'm gonna let Katie speak for herself on this one.

**Chapter Six: Visiting Hours**

 

* * *

 

Jimmy had been under Darcy’s care for four months. He was growing up quick and no longer resembled the tiny mewling kitten that had been brought in from the cold. And Jimmy found that as he grew bigger and stronger, his thoughts grew clearer and sharper as well.

 

He knew that Darcy was a big help there. He knew that without her help he wouldn’t be safe, wouldn’t be warm and wouldn’t remember that he used to be something else before Jimmy and before the Soldier.

 

“Oh Bucky, where are you,” Darcy sighed, looking down at her laptop that Jarvis was sending the worldwide pings on Bucky’s description to.

 

Jimmy meowed at Darcy in response.

 

“Steve is looking for you and he just wants to keep you safe,” Darcy shook her head, lifting Jimmy into her lap and the cat stretched to put his head against her jaw, rubbing at her in comfort.

 

_Tell the big jerk to come home, I’m right here._

 

“Darcy, you are needed in the med bay,” Jarvis announced suddenly. “Captain Rogers has returned.”

 

“Oh no,” Darcy breathed, throwing the laptop on the couch and rushing out the door, in her Captain America pajamas that she may or may not have bought in the boys department at Macy’s. She didn’t even bother putting Jimmy down, just ran flat out to the med bay with her cat cuddled close.

 

“Woah. _BOOBIES._ ”

 

“Todd! What did I tell you about hitting on Darcy!” Dr. Reid screeched at him from the door to the private room used for any Avenger injury.

 

“Not to, cause Captain America would bash my head in with his shield?” Todd scrunched his eyes up in thought. “And then you’d dance on my grave.”

 

“Take a walk, Todd,” Dr. Reid shook her head. She looked to Darcy with a smile and shook her head at the sight of Steve’s shield stretched across Darcy’s boobs. “Seriously though, can’t blame the Todd on this one. Wowza, girlfriend!”

 

“Thanks,” Darcy wheezed as she struggled to catch her breath. “Is he okay? What happened this time?”

 

“Darcy? Sweetheart?” Steve’s voice came from the private room and then he was standing in the doorway, looking unhurt and unscathed. He was gazing at her choice of attire in wonderment. Short little blue shorts with little white stars on them and the tiny t-shirt that might have fit a 10 year old boy properly but did nothing to hide or conceal the bounty of Darcy’s chest. His ogling was cut short however, when Darcy launched herself at him, Jimmy being smashed between both of their chests as Darcy kissed the ever living daylights out of Steve.

 

_Can’t breathe...but what a way to go._

 

“You’re okay!” Darcy sighed happily in his ear. “Jarvis said you were in the med bay. Are Sam and Natasha okay?”

 

“Yeah, Nat went straight to Barton. But Sam…”

 

Jimmy fought his way out between the impressive chests that had been his happy prison and shot to the floor and into the room where Sam was laying in the bed.

 

“Sam’s sick. Got a real nasty virus,” Steve finished. “The big dope didn’t tell me how bad it was and now he’s dehydrated and sick and just out of it. We came right back to get him back in tip top shape.”

 

Jimmy leapt to the top of Sam’s bed and climbed on the man until he was sitting on his chest and staring down at his face, his little head cocked to the right as he inspected the dozing man. He butted his head into Sam’s face, rubbing his head against the man’s stubble.

 

“Warm,” Sam sighed. He blinked his eyes open and smiled. “Hey handsome. You got bigger.”

 

_Big dummy. I knew a guy who never told me when he was sick. Both of you are stupid._

 

Sam’s hand reached to pet at Jimmy’s head, chuckling weakly as the cat put his head down on the prone man’s chest.

 

_You’re both lucky you’re pretty, else someone woulda smacked you by now._

 

* * *

 

 

Once Sam was passed out again and under the care of the med bay staff, Darcy dragged Steve and Jimmy to the common room, sitting him down and telling him that he was going to have a proper meal because he was looking a little pale. She started working on a quick chicken corn chowder, all the while muttering about super soldiers, and taking proper care of himself, and he could probably still get himself sick if he really tried.

 

“Darcy, I’m fine,” Steve promised with a weak smile, his cheeks flushing slightly as his eyes darted down to his shield stretched over her chest. The flush only made him look paler everywhere else and Darcy gave him a shrewd look before going back to cooking.

 

Steve sat on a kitchen stool that Darcy had shoved him on, holding Jimmy and patting the cat every few seconds. Jimmy stared up at Steve and he felt another little piece fall into his brain properly.

 

_The punk’s not sick, doll. He’s thinking about stuff he shouldn’t be since he ain’t got you a ring yet._

 

Jimmy stretched and batted Steve’s face with his right paw before squirming out of the man’s hold and going to investigate the bag that Steve had brought along with him. He worked the zipper open and peered inside.

 

A big shiny shield was in it, one that Jimmy recognized, but had no desire to play with. Sure, Steve used it as a weapon, but Jimmy knew his current limitations. That would be of no use to him.

 

“Eat this,” Darcy ordered, putting a giant sandwich in front of Steve’s face before she went back to her gigantic pot of soup. “So aside from Sammy getting sick, how did the mission go? Any leads?”

 

 

“Mission went okay. Another Hydra base is off the map,” Steve smiled at her before taking a gigantic bite of the sandwich, finding that he was hungrier than he thought he would be.

 

“And Bucky?” She wondered.

 

 

Jimmy’s head snapped up from the bag he was investigating and meowed automatically.

 

_Right here, dummies._

 

 

“It’s like he fell off the face of the Earth,” Steve sighed after swallowing. “I mean, half a year ago, we were at least on his trail. We could tell where he had been. It was like he was leaving breadcrumbs on purpose for us to follow. And now, just...he’s a ghost. He doesn’t want to be found.”

 

_Not a ghost. A cat, you dumb punk._

 

 

“He’ll come home, Steve. I know he will,” Darcy promised with a soft, sad smile. “We just have to be patient. He just needs to work some stuff out, get his head back on right.”

 

_Stop talking about me like I’m not in the room._

 

 

Jimmy meowed at them in annoyance before giving up on making them see reason, going back to investigating Steve’s bag.

 

 

Smelly socks that could probably stand on their own at that point. They’d make a great weapon, but Jimmy didn’t want to be the one to have to wield it.

 

A phone charger. Which was definitely not dangerous enough until he was big enough to turn it into a garotte.

 

Clothes. Just how many tight and stretchy shirts did the punk need anyway?

 

A lovely, tattered, well worn and handled picture of a grinning Darcy. Well that was just good taste. Jimmy’s Darcy was the prettiest girl in the world.

 

Oh wait...there was something that might prove useful. Jimmy bit down on the potential weapon and worked on pulling it out from under the shield.

 

 

"Eat your soup, soldier boy,” Darcy placed a steaming bowl in front of Steve and took away the empty plate.

 

 

“You’re---don’t know what I did to deserve you, sweetheart,” Steve smiled at her softly before digging in. One swallowed spoonful later had him groaning in appreciation. “You’re the absolute best girl a dope like me could’ve ever asked for,”

 

_Ain’t that the truth._

 

Jimmy meowed in agreement, then went back to his task of pulling his stolen goods to the door. The thing was heavier than it looked.

 

“Hey, you little bandit!” Darcy laughed, walking over to him and staring down at him with her hands on her hips. “We talked about this thievery habit of yours. Clint _knows_ that it was you that took his favorite hearing aids. Does that sketch book belong to you, Mister James? Does it?”

 

_Aww, Darcy, doll, don’t be a snitch._

 

Steve nearly fell off of his stool in order to get the sketch book back, but Jimmy had already pushed it open on the ground to show Darcy what was inside.

 

“It’s not what you think,” Steve blurted, his face going tomato red. “It’s...just something I do to…”

 

 

“Steve!” Darcy went to the floor beside Jimmy to get a closer look at the book the cat held down with his right paw. Each page had at least one sketch of her. Her lips, her eyes, her laughing face. “These are beautiful!”

 

 

“Not nearly as beautiful as the real thing,” Steve smiled at her. “You give me a lot to work with, sweetheart.”

 

_You smooth bastard. That’s one of my lines!_

 

Darcy lifted Jimmy’s paw to look at more of the sketches and her breath caught in her throat at a picture of her, laying in a bed, a strategically placed sheet covering any naughty bits of her. Her cheeks flushed and she let out a soft _Oh_. Jimmy’s eyes widened at the risque picture and he let out a small growl before turning and leaping for Steve.

 

_What’re you doin’ to my Darcy, punk?! You were always saying girls deserved a commitment and not to be yanked around. Me and the boys used to call you **Slow-Moving Steve** for crissakes..._

 

 

“Sorry,” Steve whispered down at a pink cheeked Darcy, before looking down at Jimmy, who was actively swatting at him and trying to climb his legs while spitting angrily.

 

“Don’t be, that’s...it’s nice,” Darcy nodded. “Just...finish your soup. And then we’re going back to my room, because I think it’d be nice for you to know what’s underneath that sheet.”

 

* * *

__  
__

Jimmy was very upset. He had been locked out of Darcy’s room for the first time ever. Steve had given him a grin and a wink before shutting the door on him an hour ago.

 

He had spent that hour meowing as loud as he could while pushing his right paw in the crack between the door and the floor, as if he could reach the offensive punk who was doing unspeakable things to his Darcy.

 

After an hour he gave up on the door and he tried to think over the sounds of Darcy’s delighted gasps and moans and Steve’s disgusting pleasured groans.

 

When he came upon the solution, he felt like an idiot. He could have stopped the punk’s fun an hour ago.

 

Darcy giggled as she reached across Steve to her bedside table for another condom.

 

“Doing this with a super soldier has its perks,” she wiggled back and tore the package open with obvious relish.

 

 

 _ _“__ Good thing I’m the only one,” Steve arched an eyebrow at her. “Wouldn’t want you trading me out for a better model.”

 

 

“Well, we both know you’re not the only one out there,” Darcy arched her own eyebrow in mocking. “But James Barnes isn’t here right now, so I think you’ll do.”

 

Steve laughed at that, well and truly laughed about Bucky for the first time in decades. Because he was sure if Bucky were here, he’d be doing his best to make time with either Darcy or Sam or both. And if he were there at that moment, he’d be doing his best to ruin this wonderful night with Darcy.

 

He heard a noise through the vents and cut his laughter short, looking up to the ceiling in tense suspicion.

 

“Barton! If that’s you, I swear I will get Nat to fricassee your balls!” Darcy yelled at the ceiling. “Stop with your creepy voyeuri----AHH!”

 

The ceiling vent popped open and a ball of fur fell from it, landing on Steve’s naked chest.

 

“Jimmy! NO!” Darcy yelled as Jimmy scratched at Steve’s chest with his right paw relentlessly, earning a few surprised yelps from Steve. “Jimmy, stop it right now Mister! It’s grown up time, not play time.”

 

“Don’t think he’s playing, sweetheart,” Steve winced, pulling the surprisingly strong cat off of him and holding him as far away as possible. “I think he’s upset I’m making time with you.”

 

 

“You don’t own me, Jimmy!” Darcy reached for her cat and looked him in the eye. “I’m a grown ass woman, and I’m allowed to sex the ever loving hell out of my sexy ass boyfriend. And if you don’t stop this possessiveness crap, I’m going to hire a cat-sitter for you whenever Steve and I want to do the do. And by cat-sitter I mean loads of time with Clint and Tony!”

 

_Aww Doll, don’t say that. I just don’t want this lug to not do right by you._

 

 

Darcy squirmed her way off the bed, Jimmy under her arm, his cheek pressed against her side boob. She placed him outside the bedroom again and gave him an angry wag of her finger before shutting the door with a definite slam.

 

 

The sounds started pretty quickly after that and Jimmy put his nose in the air and made his way back to his escape route in the air vents. He’d go and hang out with Sam until that jerk was done defiling his Darcy.

 

* * *

 

Sam was recovering slowly but surely when there was a call to Assemble. Apparently some big bad dude was trying to steal the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia. Jimmy didn’t understand why the big crew of superheroes had to go and defend an old bell that didn’t even work, but it gave him time to spend with Sam and Darcy in the common room, so he couldn’t complain too much.

 

And at least this way he didn’t have to see the punk’s dumb face permanently attached to Darcy’s lips. He seriously didn’t understand what Steve did to deserve all those kisses from Darcy. He _knew_ that Steve 70 years ago didn’t have the appropriate skill set to make a dame that happy.

 

“So you want me to watch Jimmy again tonight?” Sam offered. “Seeing as we’re planning to head out in four days again?”

 

 

“Would you please?” Darcy smiled at him thankfully. She looked down at the cat who was stretched out between Sam and herself. Jimmy’s head was on Sam’s thigh, while his tail and back legs were in her lap. “I don’t want to have to send you away, Jimmy, but the last time you caught Steve with his hands up my shirt, you nearly scratched his eye out.”

 

“Territorial little guy,” Sam scratched behind Jimmy’s ears. “You can’t be making eyes at me and Darcy at the same time, you know.”

 

_Aww, it ain’t like that with my Darcy. If only ‘cause I already tried killing the punk a few times. Not gonna take away his girl on top of that._

 

Darcy’s phone buzzed with a message and she smiled down at it. Steve had taken a grinning selfie in front of the liberty bell, which was obviously safe from harm.

 

“Freedom is saved again,” Darcy laughed, then typed that message to him. His reply was immediate and she laughed. “Steve says they’ll be in Philly for another hour before they can take off. Do I want anything from there? YES PLEASE.”

 

“Geno’s! I need like, eight cheese-steaks,” Sam nodded.

 

“Ugh, except Pat’s is far superior,” Darcy scoffed at him. “Don’t talk to me about cheesesteaks, DC boy. I’m the Philly girl, I know what I’m talking about.”

 

Darcy sent a text message with an order for her and Sam and Jane and Pepper. She then snapped a picture of her and Sam cuddled up together with Jimmy. Jimmy, who had maneuvered himself so that his head was firmly planted on Darcy’s chest, a cat-like smirk on his face.

 

Tony texted her half a minute later stating that _We just bought 1200 dollars worth of cheesesteaks and we’re on our way. I owe Jimmy a new treat bot and fancy ball of string bot cause Cap totally said that the smartass cat was making time with his girl. Your boy is jealous._

 

“Oh Jimmy, what on Earth am I going to do with you?”

 

Jimmy meowed and licked at her cheek before going back to his original stretched out position between Sam and Darcy.

 

_I’ll settle for driving the punk crazy with jealousy when I’m all back to normal, Doll._

* * *

* * *

__  
__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to amusewithaview. She graciously allowed us to use the term "Slow-Moving Steve." She's the absolute best. Go read her stuff. No really, right now, you're not getting another update until you do. Seriously, the fic that line came from is my favoritest ABO story ever. 
> 
> And I hope you liked this. It came out quick and easy cause really, this was what I was looking forward to the minute Nix came to me with "BUCKY IS A CAT" Jimmy Barnes. MOMENT KILLER. <3 Katie & Nix


	7. Provisional Acquisitions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy gentle readers! So I think Nix and I have found our ending here. And you know what that means. DAILY POSTING. WOOOOO!!!! That's my favorite kind. Thanks so much for all the awesome feedback. It is greatly cherished and highly appreciated.  
> <3 Nix and Katie

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

** Chapter Seven:  Provisional Acquisitions **

  
  


Steve, Sam and Clint all headed out of the tower by the end of the week with the promise that they’d come back as soon as possible and Steve would make sure that Sam and Clint were in the best of health.  Jimmy nuzzled Sam’s cheek before he left and then proceeded to scratch at Steve’s knees as the good Captain held _his_ Darcy in his arms and tried his best to eat her whole face off.

  
  


A funny thing happened in the next few weeks.  

  
  


Some things stayed normal.  Jimmy kept getting bigger and stronger.  Darcy always had her cell phone in hand, texting Steve or Sam or Clint constantly.  Natasha would pet Jimmy’s head but still would never leave him unattended around anything of value to her.  Jimmy didn’t take it as an offense, he had been the one to teach her not to trust thieves.  

  
  


But something was definitely happening in the tower.  People weren’t randomly losing items anymore.  They were losing one specific thing.

  
  


“OKAY, who is the wise-acre who took all of my condoms?” Tony demanded as he bustled into the common room in his typical Hurricane Tony fashion.  “Because let me tell you, I got on TMZ last night on a condom run to the Duane Reed across the block.  Trojan has already contacted me about being their spokesperson and are sending over a whole pallet of condoms now.”

  
  


“ And this is a problem?” Natasha furrowed her brow.  “Free condoms...good.  Public awareness about safe sex...good.  The public knowing that Pepper still lets you touch her...also good for  _ you _ .”

  
  


“Well, it IS good when you put it that way,” Tony nodded.  “I just want to know who thinks it’s funny to go around stealing condoms.”

  
  


“Hmm,” Natasha nodded.  She looked over to the windows, were Darcy and Jimmy were cuddled together on the window seat, reading a book together and listening to the soft sounds of the Glenn Miller Band on Darcy’s phone.  Natasha smiled softly and snapped a picture with her phone.  The late afternoon light was hitting Darcy in a way that made her look downright angelic.  

  
  


She sent the picture to Steve, knowing that it would put a kick in his step and perhaps they’d return to the tower for a short visit.  

  
  


Natasha was not above using Darcy’s allure in order to get her own handsome bed mate back.  

  
  


_ Wow _ .   _ She’s breathtaking. _

  
  


Natasha smirked as she made her way out of the common room and typed out a reply to Steve.   _ And all alone with just James to keep her company _ .  

  
  


She made her way to Clint’s room and checked his bedside table, and sure enough, all the condoms were indeed missing.  A quick check of her own room found that nothing was out of place or gone.  She grabbed a handful of condoms and walked out of her room, eager to play a game with the tiny, brilliant cat.

  
  


She chuckled and asked, “Jarvis?  Are Security Protocols Neko 1277 still in place?”

  
  


“Indeed Agent Romanoff, the feline has not been permitted access to your quarters,” Jarvis answered.

  
“ Good.  Keep them in place.”

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


Jimmy noticed the first trap a few days later, after Clint had gotten home a few days ahead of Sam and Steve. He’d heard Howard’s kid and Pigeon-Face complaining about the disappearance of their condoms and how they had to go out and buy more. So he waited until he knew they had been to the store before going back to get more.

  
  


He headed to Pigeon-Face’s rooms first, since he knew that the sniper was down in the range. He took his usual route through the air vents and popped out above the fridge. Over the last few months he had grown significantly, so making the leap from the top of the fridge to the floor was no problem.

  
  


He sauntered into the bedroom and headed for the side table. He was about to jump up on the bed when he noticed the trap.  _ What the hell?  _

  
  


Bean-bag pellets were littered on the bed. Had he jumped on the bed like usual, he would now be covered in the small white beads. There would be no hiding what he had been doing. 

  
  


He narrowed his eyes at the bed and twitched his whiskers. At least now that he was bigger, he didn’t have to resort to being on the bed. He carefully padded towards the table while being on the look-out for any further traps. Sensing none, he raised up on his hind legs and pawed open the drawer.

  
  


There were only two foil wrapped condoms sitting on top. Rather than risk Pigeon-Face becoming aware of his presence, he took the two available in his mouth, closed the drawer and with more awareness than he had on his way into the apartment, left the way he came.

  
  


_ Take that Pigeon-Face. _

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


“Where the hell are all these condoms coming from?”

  
  


Darcy had just opened her bedside drawer to grab a bottle of nail polish she’d borrowed from Nat last week when she discovered a veritable plethora of condoms. All sizes, colors, flavors, brands. There were even some novelty ones. The ones with the Iron Man helmet on them made her burst into giggles.

  
  


She picked up one with Steve’s shield on it and narrowed her eyes.

  
  


“There’s something fishy going on here…”

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


“Are you putting all the condoms in my drawer?” Darcy asked shrewdly.

  
  


“What? Condoms and Thor?”

  
  


Darcy rolled her eyes as Jane barely looked up from her scattered notes.  

  
  


“I mean, I know you’re not getting any until Thor gets back, but condoms don’t expire right away, you can hang on to your super duper specially made magnum sized ones, cause Steve only needs magnum ones, thank GOD,” Darcy smirked at Jane.  “Honestly, I don’t understand how you walk around when Thor is home.  I should get you a post-coital wheelchair.”

  
  


“Thor is home?” Jane looked up eagerly as Darcy placed the specially sized condoms on Jane’s desk.  

  
  


_ Mr. Cape is back? Where’s my weapon _ ?

  
  


Jimmy wound himself around Darcy’s feet until she picked him up and he automatically cuddled into her chest, which happened to be covered with a Captain America t-shirt, the picture of Steve in comic book form with the words  _ I only Date Superheroes  _ under the cartoon.  Jimmy shrugged his little head and cuddled away regardless.

  
  


“Thor isn’t due back for another month at least,” Darcy reminded her.  “Remember, he’s trying to set up the diplomacy mission where he and Steve get to visit the other realms?”

  
  


“Oh, right,” Jane huffed before going back to her work.  

  
  


“So you’re not the one gifting me condoms?” Darcy asked.  

  
  


“Why would I give away the condoms I have to have specially made?” Jane looked at Darcy in fond exasperation.  “Those are expensive, Darcy.  And I can’t exactly charge them to the Stark Industries expense account.”

 

“Pffft, charge it to the Avengers expense account!” Darcy advised.  “That’s what I did to the fancy sets of bras and panties I bought to welcome Steve home.  I mean, the expense account was set-up by Fury to take care of the Avengers.  I don’t think you can get more taken care of than specially made condoms and surprisingly bendy Astrophysicists.”

  
  


Jimmy looked up at Darcy and meowed at the mention of potential fancy bra and panty sets for Steve.

  
  


_ You got special underthings for Slow-moving Steve?  Doll, that’s really not fair _ .  

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


The second trap nearly tripped Jimmy up.  

  
  


_ Literally _ .

  
  


He was in the process of emptying out Tony’s supply he kept stashed in his workshop when he found the trip wire.  A little investigation showed that it was set up to detonate a small charge of explosives attached to a large packet of glittery confetti.  His furry head tilted to the right as he realized he recognized the simple yet effective set up of the trip wire.

  
  


That was one of his tricks he had picked up from Jacques during his Howling Commandos days.  

  
  


He had only taught the trick to one person.

  
  


He shrugged and grabbed a mouthful of condoms and exited Tony’s lab, unsurprised to see Natalia standing with her arms crossed, looking down at him with a smirk.  

 

“I don’t know how you are able to do what you do, or why you do it,” Natasha murmured down at the cat.  “But I am going to find out.”

  
  


Jimmy gave her an unimpressed huff and walked around her, eager to get the condoms back to Darcy’s room.  Steve would be home in two days, and he wanted to make sure Darcy had what she needed to stay safe from Steve’s super sperm.

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


“LEWIS!”

  
  


Darcy furrowed her brow and looked up from the press releases she had been looking over at Tony’s angry shout as he thundered down the hallway to her little office.  She looked down at Jimmy, instinctually knowing that this was probably a little his fault.

  
  


And upon seeing Tony, the top third of his body covered in very pretty, very sparkly penis confetti, she couldn’t quite find it in her to be upset with her precious cat.  

  
  


“Sparkles,” Darcy nodded at him with a barely suppressed smirk.  She held up her phone and snapped a picture.

  
  


“Don’t you dare text that to Capsicle,” Tony warned.  “Don’t you dare.”

  
  


“Okay, I won’t,” Darcy nodded.  She tapped away at her phone and smirked as Tony’s phone vibrated and chirped in his back pocket.

  
  


“You tweeted it?” He whined.  

  
  


“And it’s trending,” Natasha called out as she paused at the door to Darcy’s office.  The Black Widow threw the cat on Darcy’s lap a wink before strolling off.  

  
  


“ I know it was you, flea bag,” Tony wagged his finger at the cat, who was  _ definitely _ smirking up at him this time.  “I’m going to catch you at your mischief one of these days.”

 

* * *

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just picture it. Tony covered in tiny little glittery penises. 
> 
> HAPPY MONDAY!
> 
> <3 Katie and Nix.


	8. Visitation Privileges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to this story has seriously been the best. Katie and I are having so much fun writing it. The end is nearing though kids. But we are already working on our next bit of cracky fun.
> 
> ENJOY!
> 
> <3 Nix and Katie

**Chapter Eight: Visitation Privileges**

 

**

_Your boy needs a kick in the pants. He’s trying to search every inch of the sewers here. I want to come home for a visit._

 

Darcy read Sam’s text message and sighed. She looked at Jimmy, who was carefully and impressively prowling the rim of her bathtub on his three capable paws.

 

“What should I do, Jimmy?” she sighed. “I mean, I want him to find Bucky too, but he’s not going to find him in some sewer in Europe.”

 

_Yeah, he should probably check the bathtub his dame is in._

 

“Okay, let’s see what I can do about getting our Stevie and Sammy back, Mr. Man,” Darcy artfully arranged the bubbles so that the picture wasn’t too explicit (Steve was adorable about not wanting any scandalous pictures of his girl getting stolen from his phone (by Tony)). Jimmy skillfully pranced so that he was sitting behind Darcy, looking at the camera over the top of her head with a definite smirk on his furry little face.

 

_Come on home, fellas. Or I’m keeping the lady for myself._

 

Darcy grinned at the picture before hitting send.

 

The response was immediate. Sam’s text was first.

 

_Well played, Darce. He just tripped over his own two feet and is telling Hill to get the quinjet prep’d. See you tomorrow._

 

Darcy smacked a kiss on Jimmy’s nose when her phone buzzed with another message. This time from Steve.

 

_Tell James to pack an overnight bag. He’ll be bunking with Sam. I’ll see you soon, sweetheart._

 

* * *

 

 

Loki looked out across the Palace grounds. Pretending to be the Allfather was exhausting work. He hadn’t even had any time to look in on Thor and his ridiculous friends. It gave him a chuckle every time he thought of the once fierce Winter Soldier reduced to a mewling feline.

 

It was about time he visited Midgard and observed for himself what his mischief had wrought.

 

* * *

 

Loki faded into the room, taking care to conceal his presence from these puny mortals. It had been several months since he had changed the damaged warrior into a cat and he was quite looking forward to seeing the dejection on the mortal’s current form. But when he located his quarry, they didn’t look dejected at all. He didn’t even look unhappy! He was sprawled on a stuffed cushion in the window seat basking in a stream of sunlight.

 

_Oh, it’s you. Crazy eyes._

 

Loki sneered down as the nearly full grown cat stretched out and looked up at him, looking nonplussed at the appearance of the man who had turned him into a feline.

 

_Thanks for this, by the way. Feel better than I have in a long time._

 

“That was not the objective of the magic,” Loki admitted, his face pinched with annoyance.

 

_Yeah. I figured it was mostly ‘cause you’re an asshole._

 

“You insignificant beast,” Loki spat out.

 

_Hey, where’s my arm? I get along fine without it, but it’d be handy to have if Mr. Cape ever brings back my hammer._

 

“Cape...hammer?” Loki squinted at the soldier cat. “Thor?”

 

_Yeah. He has my hammer._

 

Loki felt the rage building in every cell in his body. This damaged, inconsequential shell of a man had been worthy of Mjolnir? Loki could feel the magic start to bubble up within him. If he didn’t get a handle on it, he could lose control of the invisibility spell that was keeping that oaf Thor from being aware of his presence through Heimdall.

 

“Well, if you are enjoying being a feline so much, perhaps I should make it _permanent._ ” Loki spat out at him. _Teach that ingrate to be unappreciative of my magic!_

 

_I don’t know about permanent, pal. Eventually I’m gonna want to go back, but for right now, I think this is a good place to be._

 

Loki grimaced and turned, more than ready to return to Asgard. “Insufferable beast.”

 

* * *

 

Jimmy had happily followed Sam back to Steve’s apartment in the tower, allowing Darcy and Steve to have their alone time. Happily because Sam was his favorite person to spend time with outside of Darcy and Pepper, and also because he would rather stuff his head in the toilet than listen to Steve’s happy and pleasured grunting.

 

“Sweetheart?” Steve wondered, looking down at the drawer to her bedside table, which was barely keeping shut under its own power. He pulled on the drawer tentatively and his eyes widened at the hundreds of condoms there.

 

“Hmm?” Darcy stood at the doorway to her bathroom, wearing a flimsy satin dressing robe.

 

“I know that you make jokes about super soldier refractory periods, but just how much fun do you think I---can _get up_ to in one weekend?” Steve smirked at her.

 

Darcy let the robe drop and put her hands on her hip, enjoying the exact moment she knew that Steve’s brain had fizzled. The red, white and blue corset, looking very much like his own star spangly outfit was currently trying it’s damnedest to cover her ample breasts. Physics be damned.

 

“You were saying?” Darcy smirked.

 

“I--yeah---okay,” Steve stammered. He looked down and groaned, pulling out one of the many condoms that had his shield on the wrapper. “Really, sweetheart?”

 

“Each one of those _keeps_ the bullets in your best guy’s gun,” Darcy grinned, using her hands to shoot finger guns at him while she winked.

 

“Please don’t refer to them as bullets,” Steve rolled his eyes at her. “I’m not shooting at you. But seriously, where did all these come from? There has to be over a hundred in this drawer.”

 

“Nat thinks it was Jimmy,” Darcy laughed. “That he was trying to make sure that you didn’t knock me up, since he quite enjoys being babied by me. I’m just not sure why we are still talking about my cat, when there’s another pussy here that’s been neglected...”

 

Steve stopped rooting through the condom filled drawer and looked back at Darcy, his eyes starting to glaze over. She smirked at him while playing with the ribbons on the corset.

 

“Care to unwrap your welcome home present, soldier?” she asked him with a saucy wink.

 

“Doll, I can think of nothing I’d like better.”

 

* * *

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you saw that line. I know you're going to quote it in your reply. I would like to place the blame SOLELY on Nix there. I bow down to her. <3 Katie


	9. Homecomings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOUDA. Lymmel made us an AWESOME AWESOME piece of art!!!! Absolutely amazeballs. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
> 
> And okay...stuff happens in this chapter. It's...some stuff. <3 Katie and Nix

** Chapter Nine: Homecomings **

  
  


Loki found Thor in one of the many weapons rooms of the Asgardian palace, muttering things about finding something worthy of such a noble beast, and his promise to aid the small warrior in the continued protection of his lightning sister.

  
  


“Sif will be most displeased to see the state of her weapons room,” Loki, under the guise of Odin gave a small smile in his son’s direction.  “You seek a specific weapon.”

  
  


“Aye, father,” Thor smiled.  “There is a most noble warrior beast on Earth who I promised a worthy weapon. He has but three legs, but his strength and agility is truly stunning.”

  
  


Loki waited for Thor to tell him that the beast was worthy of Mjolnir.  He felt the beginnings of begrudging respect when Thor omitted that fact from the All-father.  His idiot brother had learnt something from him after all.  

  
  


“Which leg is the creature missing?” Loki wondered.

  
  


“His left front leg, the entirety of it,” Thor admitted.  

  
  


Loki hid the mirth in his eyes well.  The damaged soldier may be recovering during his time as a feline, but he had a way of reminding the flippant beast of who he actually was.  “I may have just the thing.”

  
  


 

* * *

   
  


“Jimmy?  Jimmy where are you?” Darcy called out in the common room, checking under the couches and all of Jimmy’s usual hiding spots.  “Thor is back!  Come on, James, you love Thor.  He brought you a present!”

  
  


“Jarvis?” Natasha questioned, walking into the common room behind Darcy.  “Where is the cat?”

  
  


“Currently he is in Captain Rogers and Mr. Wilson’s apartment. Before they departed they granted permission for Master Jimmy to have full access to their quarters,” Jarvis revealed.  “More specifically he is asleep on Mr. Wilson’s pillow.”

  
  


“My cat is actual facts bisexual and has a massive crush on Sam Wilson,” Darcy giggled at Natasha.  “Can you go get him?  I should go and make sure that Jane and Thor aren’t banging on the roof where the news helicopters can get footage of them.”

  
  


“And if they already are?” Natasha smirked.

  
  


“Then I use the giant mirror that I keep on the roof to ruin their footage,” Darcy supplied with a mischievous wink.  "I'm a good bro, Nat.  And I promise, I'd do the same for you if you ever got caught in some bird's nest doing Satan's handiwork."  


  
  


Natasha rolled her eyes as they both left the common room, Darcy rushing for the roof while Natasha strolled casually towards the soldiers’ apartment.  Jarvis let her in and Natasha found Jimmy stretched out on Sam’s pillow, lazily napping with a smile of contentment.

  
  


“Yasha,” Natasha said sharply.  She couldn’t help but smirk as the cat snapped to attention, poised on his three legs, looking ready to attack.  

  
  


Natasha prided herself on very rarely being wrong.  And her current theory about who Darcy’s beloved cat actually was, was one short conversation with Thor away from being confirmed.  

  
  


“Thor has returned,” Natasha revealed.  “It’s time to have a chat with the very convenient translation of All-Speak.”

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


Jimmy followed Natasha to Thor and Jane’s apartment, loping along and keeping up with Nat’s brisk pace. He knew he was going to be asked some difficult questions, but was too excited to see what kind of weapon Mr. Cape had brought him back from his trip. Maybe he’d get his paws on that hammer again.

  
  


“Young Jimmy! How you have grown whilst I was away. You have become a fine warrior beast. As promised I have brought you a fine tool to add to your arsenal,” Thor boomed at him in a way only Thor was capable of.

  
  


Thor held out the promised weapon wrapped in a silky cloth. Jimmy padded over and batted at the cloth before taking the edge of it in his mouth and carefully unwrapping the present.

  
  


Inside the material was a metal replica of his right paw. Jimmy batted at it gently before looking up at Thor with his big kitty eyes. Natasha swore he looked like Puss in Boots.

  
  


“Ay, Jimmy. I have brought you a new arm, to make you whole and even more capable of defending the Lady Darcy. It is somewhat magical in nature, so it will not require any surgery or pain to attach. And should function as well or better than your current paw,” Thor told him while kneeling down to pick up the arm. He leaned down and closer to Jimmy and gently held the metal arm to Jimmy’s left shoulder.  "My father gifted it to me, but I confess I took it to the healers of Midgard to cleanse it of any magic than what you need."  


  
  


He felt the magic take effect and sensed an almost suctioning feeling as the arm attached to his shoulder. Jimmy leaned over to stand up and put his weight on the new appendage. It felt just like his other arm. But better than his human arm. There was no star, he couldn’t feel or perceive the servos shifting. This was like a better version of what HYDRA had outfitted him with. He could only hope that it did not contain the failsafes that HYDRA felt were necessary.

  
  


He looked up at Thor and thought very hard  _ Thank you. I think I feel whole for the first time in over 70 years. _

  
  


“Ah, yes. Young Jimmy. Heimdall made mention of there being something different about you.”

  
  


“Thor, could you translate for me please?” Natasha asked the Thunder God.

  
  


“I would be pleased to facilitate a conversation between you and Warrior Jimmy,” he replied.

  
  


Natasha looked down at the cat before kneeling and looking him in the eye. “Are you James Buchanan Barnes?”

  
  


Jimmy stared back at Natasha blinking a few slow blinks before sitting back on his haunches and looking up at Thor.  _ Of course I am Natalia. You’ve had that figured out for weeks. I don’t appreciate my Darcy getting the blame for the exploding confetti of glittery dicks by the way. _

  
  


Thor translated back to Natasha with a puzzled look on his face, Nat just smirked at the cat before returning to standing and leading Thor to the couch to embark on the tale of James Buchanan Barnes, The Winter Soldier and his relationship to the inhabitants of the Tower.

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


The tale of Bucky, Steve, the Howlies and the 70+ years of Bucky’s suffering at the hands of HYDRA took longer than Natasha expected. Because Thor kept asking questions and demanding explanations and Jimmy’s input. They’d finally made it up to the Helicarriers crashing and Bucky plucking Steve out of the Potomac, when JARVIS interrupted.

  
  


“Excuse me, Ms. Romonov, but it appears as if Ms. Lewis has been abducted...again.”

  
  


 

* * *

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs away cackling into the night*
> 
> *sing song voice* And now you have to wait until tomorrow. *evil smirking*


	10. Kidnapped!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are rounding third base guys. Only one more chapter after this. It's been a fantastic ride and I _GUARANTEE_ you're gonna like this chapter. The response to this fic has been amazing. We are busily working on the next piece of crack to present to you guys. Enjoy the second to last chapter.
> 
> <3 Nix and Katie
> 
> **Edit: Ok, after a couple of comments, I had to go fix a thing. It's fixed now. No more confusion. ** <3 Nix

**Chapter Ten: KIDNAPPED!**

* * *

 

JARVIS’ announcement caused Jimmy to jump from the couch he had been sitting on with Thor and Natasha, leaping towards the hammer Thor had placed carelessly on the coffee table and yanking, making it down to the floor and halfway to the door.

 

“HYDRA?” Natasha asked the AI as she rushed towards Jimmy and scooped him off the ground while Thor retrieved Mjolnir. Jimmy clawed at her to be set free.

 

_Let me go, Natalia, I have to go find her._

 

“It appeared to be done by one of Justin Hammer’s people. Although, he appears to be working with AIM,” JARVIS announced. “I have contacted Captain Rogers and Mr. Wilson. Also, Sir is on his way back from Malibu.”

 

“James, _James!_ ” Natasha held the cat at arm’s length and looked at him sternly. “I know you think you can rescue her in this form, but I can guarantee it won’t be possible. Do you want to return to your normal body? Are you ready for that?”

 

The cat seemed to nod, looking up at Natasha with the blue grey eyes she had known from a lifetime ago.

 

_I need to protect her. I’m ready._

 

“He is ready,” Thor nodded. “Who has done this to you friend?”

 

_Some guy with crazy eyes...and some kind of spear. And weird horns._

 

“It was ...it was my brother?” Thor furrowed his brow.

 

“Get a message to Heimdall. Get the spell reversed,” Natasha advised. She looked down to Jimmy and said, “We will track her together starting now. Remember your limitations, James.”

 

* * *

 

This was not Darcy’s first trip to the rodeo. Or her second.

 

This was the fourth time she had been kidnapped in as many years.

 

As a matter of fact, this was the second time she had been kidnapped by Justin Hammer.

 

“Dude, I told your boss the _last time_ that I don’t know anything specific about the portals or Tony’s crap. I work in PR now. I tweet stuff. I can tell you what kind of breakfast cereals Thor prefers. FYI, anything with marshmallows. Lucky Charms are particularly delightful to him. In fact, they’re magically delicious. I could even tell you that Captain America is a world champion cuddler post coital style. But I can’t tell you any of the magical fantastic SCIENCE!sister’s secrets that you want to know.”

 

“If we cannot get secrets from you, we’ll use you to get someone who can give us what we need.”

 

“Yeah, and how well did that work out for you last time? Or, better yet, call AIM or even that tech company that wanted JARVIS’ code. I hate to tell you that this one is going to end up like the last three times. Someone is going to be yelling _Oh God! My Balls! They Just crushed my Balls!_ ,” Darcy spewed at them. She was really good at buying her rescuers time. She had once had a guy from AIM occupied for forty whole minutes before the rescue team had arrived. It was how she had been introduced to Steve, actually. “I mean, Captain America was protective of me when I was just some faceless lab assistant. He’s going to use his shield to destroy your manhood and I’m going to laugh. SO HARD.”

 

“Gag her,” the head goon ordered.

 

“Please, I can work a gag off my mouth in less than ten seconds. You guys should have that on file. I mean. I DID IT LAST TIME,” Darcy rolled her eyes. “Oh, hey, did you know Thor is back on world again? The Norse God? The one with the big magical hammer? He calls me his little lightning sister. He’s going to be SO pleased to see you’ve shoved me in a van and driven me to your oh so obvious non-descript warehouse down by the river. And by the way? JARVIS knows where I am. JARVIS always knows. And he’s told _everyone._ ”

 

There was some anxiety on a lot of her captors faces at that point.

 

“Tony may be in Malibu, and Steve _may_ be out of town at the moment,” Darcy admitted. “But do you know who _isn’t_ out of town? Take a wild guess. No? No takers? Her name starts with Black and ends with Widow. And she _hates_ when people LOOK at her things, much less touch them or take them. She once got mad at my cat for touching one of her knives. And let me tell you, she likes me a whole hell of a lot more than her knives.”

 

She let that sink in for a second, watching some of the faces twitching with worry now.

 

“I mean, you could just let me walk away,” Darcy threw out the suggestion casually. “I could take a cab back to the Tower, no harm done, no charges pressed, no death by Black Widow’s thighs.”

 

The goons all looked at each other with various horrified expressions before turning back to their de facto leader.

 

“We’ve already been paid. Hammer won’t be too difficult to deal with, but AIM does not take too kindly to people who cannot finish a job they’ve been paid for.”

 

A rumble of thunder rattled the old, cracked windows of the warehouse, causing Darcy’s face to light up with glee.

 

“Uh-oh, looks like the weather is taking a turn for the awesome. And you’ve just run out of time.”

 

“I’m not getting hit by that hammer...again,” one of minions shook his head, practically moonwalking out of the room.

 

And come to think of it, they did look like minions. Wearing those yellow jumpsuits with those weird helmets. And now all she could picture was Justin Hammer dressed as Gru.

 

“Tick tock, fellas,” Darcy smiled easily. She held up her hands, which she had managed to free from the ropes they had tied her in and mimicked the shifting of a scale. “Death by Avengers...or letting the wrongfully kidnapped lady run free?”

 

* * *

 

Natasha and the cat made quite a sight as they sped out of Manhattan to the warehouses by the river. Jimmy was strapped to her in a baby sling as she pushed Steve’s Harley to the maximum speed limit. He had begrudgingly allowed her to strap him to her only because he knew they could get to the coordinates JARVIS had provided faster that way. And the faster they could get to the coordinates, the faster they could rescue Darcy.

 

They had just made it to the warehouse when the thunder rumbled and Natasha let Jimmy out of his restraining harness. He had just jumped down when he felt a tingling sensation all over. He blinked a couple of time before realizing that his perception of the warehouse had changed. It was smaller, no. He was bigger. He was human again. But naked. Very much naked. And his arm was the human version of the arm that Thor had gifted him. Not the HYDRA arm.

 

He shot a look at Natasha, she raised her eyebrow at him and tossed him one of her glocks before taking off for the warehouse. He looked down at himself and shrugged before following after her. He went pelting around a corner only to come up short when he saw Natasha standing there gaping at Darcy, who was completely nonchalantly walking out of the warehouse.

 

“Self-Rescuing Princess for the WIN, BITCHES!”

 

She walked past Thor and high-fived Natasha before looking past her and seeing Bucky. Her mouth slid open and he could see a blush spreading fast up her chest until her entire face seemed to be fire engine red.

 

“Breathe, Doll. I’ve seen yours. You’ve seen mine. Now we’re even. But...let’s not tell Steve about this part, okay?”

 

* * *

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-rescuing Princesses are THE BEST. I gotta admit, this might just be one of my favorite chapters. We had a blast writing it. So many one-liners, so little time. Tomorrow will be the last chapter. : ) Lobe you guys. Katie & Nix


	11. The Reintroduction of James Buchanan Barnes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End of the road! SAD. Thank you to everyone who supported us during this crazy adventure. It was crazy awesome fun times. YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST IN THE WORLD.

** Chapter Eleven: The Reintroduction of James Buchanan Barnes **

  
  


To say that Clint had never pushed the quinjet faster in the field would be an understatement.  

  
  


He made it back to the Tower with Sam and Steve hours before Tony could get there.  When Natasha told Clint to hurry, Clint asked how high. 

  
  


And then he hurried.

  
  


JARVIS helpfully told Steve that Darcy was in the common room as soon as he had busted through the stairwell doors.  

  
  


“Sweetheart?” Steve shouted from twenty feet away. As he came barrelling down the hallway, he cut the corner into the doorway too sharply and crashed into the doorframe with one broad shoulder.  He drew in a huge breath of relief when he saw her sitting on the couches, a smile on her face.  As he approached, he realized it wasn’t her cat who was curled up in her lap, her hand petting him.

  
  


It was Bucky.

  
  


“ What?” Steve whispered.  “How?  When?   _ What _ ?”

  
  


“So, you know how I named my cat, Jimmy?” Darcy began with a smile.  “I’m going to give myself a pat on the back for being very intuitive and perceptive, here.  I mean, I may go out and buy myself something nice as a reward.”

  
  


“Bucky?” Steve whispered.  

  
  


“Heya, punk,” Bucky managed, not even bothering to move from his place in Darcy’s lap.

  
  


“Loki turned him into a cat the night I brought him into the tower,” Darcy explained.  

  
  


“I was a little messed up at first,” Bucky acknowledged.  “But it’s all there now.  It’s been there for a while now.”

  
  


Steve nodded as he processed the fact that his best friend had in fact been Darcy’s cat for the last few months.  It immediately made sense to him that Bucky found some peace and had done quite a bit of healing under her care.  Darcy was nothing if not nurturing, kind and loving.  And she had really loved Jimmy.  

  
  


“So...you saw her naked?” Steve finally managed to say, his face going slightly red and his brow furrowing.

  
  


“Steve!” Darcy scolded.  “You’ve been searching for this man since 2014, and you’re really going to go with being a jealous butt-face before, I don’t know, welcoming him home properly?”

  
  


“But he was in the room when you were in the bathtub!” Steve disputed.

  
  


“And when she was in the shower.  And when she was changing her clothes.  And that time you guys did the heavy breathing over the phone when you were---,” Bucky listed off before wrinkling his nose.  “Sorry, I’m used to you not hearing me when I talk.”

  
  


“Jimmy, you little shit,” Darcy put her hands over her face as she tried to stifle the giggles that Steve’s tomato red complexion were inspiring.  “Where’s Sam?  He can usually control you.”

  
  


At just that moment Sam came waltzing in behind Steve. He knew, because JARVIS had told him, that Darcy was fine and there was no immediate threat. So he hadn’t had to come tearing through the tower from the landing pad while Clint was still 20 feet above it.

  
  


“What’s the news Darce-bug? Where’s that cat of yours? Usually he meets me at the elevator,” Sam asked while ambling over to the couch that Darcy was seated on and Steve was standing in front of. He was kind of surprised that Steve wasn’t wrapped around his girl, but he was just staring down at her lap. 

  
  


When he got close enough, he could see that Steve was staring at the person sprawled in Darcy’s lap.

  
  


Bucky had perked his head up when he heard Sam’s voice asking after his alter-ego. And as soon as he was close enough, he pulled Sam over the back of the couch to join their cuddle pile.

  
  


“Hi there handsome. I hear you been lookin’ for me?” Bucky smirked at the wide-eyed, gobsmacked Sam.  

  
  


“Sammy, meet Jimmy,” Darcy grinned.  “Otherwise known as James Buchanan Barnes.”

  
  


“Otherwise known as a peeping tom jerk,” Steve muttered, although his lips fought to curve up in a smile.  

  
  


“And also a master thief,” Sam smiled slowly.  “I’ll take my favorite pair of goggles back as soon as possible.”

  
  


Bucky’s smirk was no different at that moment than it had been in 1942.  

  
  


“I’ll drop them by your room later, handsome.”

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


Steve greatly enjoyed Bucky being in the Tower.  And Bucky being  _ Bucky _ .  

  
  


One of the things he liked most was interrupting any alone time he may have gotten with Sam.  

  
  


He’d breeze into his old apartment, which Bucky and Sam now shared since Steve had moved in with Darcy, sit on the loveseat with a shit-eating smirk on his face and shrug when Sam would give him a glare.

  
“ Oh no, please continue,” Steve shrugged.  “Just pretend I’m a puppy or something.”

  
  


After the third time Steve interrupted them, Sam had had enough.

  
  


“Don’t give me that ‘butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth I’m so innocent’ look Steven Grant. Who’s the man who cat-sat while you had quality time with Darcy? Hmmm? Me, that’s who. Now get the hell out,” Sam told him while pointing at the door.

  
  


Steve chuckled while standing holding his hands up in surrender. As he headed for the door of the apartment, he turned for one last parting shot, “Remember boys: NO GLOVE, NO LOVE.”

  
  


Steve giggled madly as he dashed down the hall to the safety of Darcy’s arms.

 

* * *

 

  
  


Bucky had to return his vast, hoarded pile of treasure bit by bit to the Avengers and Avengers affiliated people.  Getting the stolen items from his hiding space had proven more difficult than getting them there.  Apparently it had been easier to slink in and out of the cubby hole in the back of Darcy’s linen closet when he was a three legged tiny creature.  

  
  


Darcy stood next to him with her hands on her hips as he pulled item after item out and placed it at her feet.

  
  


“ Happy’s keys?  Really Jimmy?” Darcy shook her head.  “The poor guy had to admit that Tony was  _ right  _ about that biometric key fob!  Wait---you stole one of Pepper’s shoes?  A Louboutin?  She’s going to skin you alive!”

  
  


Bucky looked up at her sheepishly and shrugged. “It seemed like a good idea at the time?”

  
  


“ Why the hell do you need so many thumb tacks?  _** You  ** _ had Jane’s Mjolnir shaped thumbdrive??? She’s going to kill you if she ever finds out you took that. I had to talk her down from her panic attack when she couldn’t find it. You are so lucky that I keep backups of her backups. I think you need to return all these objects. And if you can do it without getting caught, I will take Steve away for the weekend. So you and Sam can have some uninterrupted time together. If not, you owe me a favor. An undisclosed favor, to be redeemed at my discretion.”

  
  


“You got yerself a deal, dollface.”

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


Bucky spent most of the day sneaking around the tower, returning the items he had acquired as Jimmy. Returning things like George’s badge or the thumbtacks was child’s play. Most of those items came from relatively public areas of the tower. But Pepper’s shoe or Jane’s thumbdrive? Those took skill to return! Skill and JARVIS. 

  
  


After successfully returning everything, including the Iron Man gauntlet, (which was probably the easiest of all to return, seriously Tony was completely oblivious when building), he was sure he was going to win this challenge. Until he went to drop off the ball bearing in the garage. He was just coming out of the elevator when he bumped into Happy. He dropped the ball and it rolled under one of the cars. He heaved a sigh and admitted defeat.

  
  


He returned to Darcy defeated.

  
  


She was already in her room, packing a bag.

  
  


“You seem to have had a lot of faith in me, doll,” he smirked at her from her doorway.

  
  


“Oh, you know, I just like to be prepared,” She smiled at him over her shoulder as she finished packing and grabbed the black dufflebag from beside the door and headed out to the living room.

  
  


Steve entered just as they were coming down the hall.

  
  


“Darcy, honey, if we’re gonna make our flight, we gotta leave now.”

  
  


“Flight?” Bucky asked.

  
  


“Yeah, we’re heading to Tony’s house in Malibu. Been planning this for a couple of wee...OW! What was that for?” Steve complained as he rubbed the butt cheek his girlfriend had pinched. Hard.

  
  


“YOU SHUT YOUR FACE STEVEN GRANT!”

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


Steve and Tony came back from a debriefing with Maria one afternoon to find Steve’s girl, Pepper and Sam sitting on the common room couch.  Bucky’s head was in Darcy’s lap, his torso was on Sam’s lap, and his calves were on top of Pepper’s lap..  It wasn’t the first time he had found his best friend cuddled around a combination of Darcy, Sam and Pepper.  

  
  


If anything, he knew the jerk took great pleasure in flustering everyone else with some of his retained cat like behavior.  Especially Tony.  

  
  


“ Seriously,  _ Jimmy _ ?” Tony rolled his eyes.  “You’re not a cat anymore.  Stop molesting my lady.”

  
  


“ She’s the one touching  _ me _ ,” Bucky shrugged.  “And also, I think maybe you’re sorta jealous.  I mean, I seem to recall you cuddling me a coupla times.”

  
  


Tony scoffed in response and Bucky lazily rolled off of his amalgamation of people and slunk over to Tony, ignoring his squawking protests as he wrapped him up in a hug and rubbed his cheek on top top of Tony’s head.  

  
  


Darcy was very quick to take a picture, cooing, “Look at those cuddles... _ so cute _ .”

  
  


“Lewis if you tweet that, I swear I’m going to start thinking about firing you.”

  
  


Everyone’s phone chimed and Darcy grinned at Tony, “My finger slipped.”

  
  


Natasha and Clint joined the impromptu party, followed quickly by Thor and Jane.  

  
“ Aww, cute picture,” Jane smirked at Tony, holding up her phone tauntingly. 

  
  


“You people...are all...just…”

  
  


“It’s okay, kid, just let it all out,” Bucky encouraged him, cuddling him tight.  

  
  


“When’s Banner coming back?  I need some sanity,” Tony grumbled, still not actively trying to break out of Bucky’s hold, but refusing to look as if he enjoyed it.

  
  


“He’s visiting Betty until next Monday,” Darcy reminded him.  “Thanks to the matchmaking of my Jimmy.”

  
  


“It doesn’t count as matchmaking since he was doing it to steal,” Clint disputed.  

  
  


“And it doesn’t count as taking care of a lady’s needs properly if you cheat and use the shower head,” Bucky sassed back.

  
  


The entirety of the assembled superheroes and superhero support staff turned to Bucky with dropped jaws.  

  
  


“Shit, I said that out loud again, didn’t I?” Bucky sighed.  He shrugged and continued to rub his cheek against Tony’s hair.  “Oh well.  ‘S true.”

  
  


Steve rolled his eyes and scooped Darcy up and off of the couch, taking a seat and holding her on his lap.  He grinned at her before they went back to watching Bucky attempt to keep a hold on Tony while Clint began throwing the contents of a fruit bowl at him in retaliation.  Thor intercepted and stole a banana from the air before turning to Clint and asking seriously about what the shower head did for Clint’s lady that he could not.

  
  


“Did I ever thank you?” Steve whispered in her ear.  “For bringing my best friend back to me?”

  
  


“Not in so many words,” Darcy grinned.  Bucky made a dive for the couch, spreading himself across everyone lazily.  Darcy’s hands went to Bucky’s head again and began petting his overgrown brown locks.  “It was a lot easier than I thought it would be.  Actually, it was a downright pleasure.”

  
  


“That’s cause I’m downright delightful.  Just let me know whenever you get lonely in that big ole bed with dumb old Stevie.  I’d be happy to come back anytime.”

  
  


Steve rolled his eyes.  “Talking out loud again, Buck.”

  
“ Oh well. Still true.”

 

 

* * *

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnd that all they wrote! We hope you all had as much fun reading this as we had writing it. We're working hard on the next project. But Katie decided she had to have this thing from Nix, so it might take a little long to start posting that one.
> 
> Much <3 Katie and Nix

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Fan Art for "The Three Legged Bandit"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5336642) by [Lymmel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lymmel/pseuds/Lymmel)




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